DragonBallZ:The Wierd Files
by Lord Noctis
Summary: This is a series of events occuring after Majin Buu. When Goku and Veget are divorced, things get wierd. Can the Z-fighters stay sane, or will they finally admit they are nuts. Find out inside.
1. Chapter 1

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

**AN:This chapter isn't as funny as the next ones will be, its mainly just to set things up. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The Beggining

* * *

This is how it began. One day Goku and Chi-chi were having dinner whne Chi-chi suddenly said. "I want a divorce," Goku looked thoughtful for several moments.

"Sure," He said afterwords, not really knowing what divorce meant. Two days later. "DON'T LEAVE ME!!" Goku cried, but it was to late. That is where it all fell apart. Then this happened.

Vegeta was training, when suddenly his wife walked in. "What do you want!?" Vegeta demanded.

"A divorce," Bulma said.

Vegeta said "YESSSSSSS, FINALLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I"M FINALLY GETT, wait what!?" And so it was, the two most powerful saiyans who had ever lived were divorced.

--

Insert Intro Song Here

--

Goku walked along the road, up in the mountains in roughly the same area where Vegeta had once done vicious battle with Android 18. His eyes were horribly drooped, dark and saggy, his hair seemed to be sagging in depression, and

his skin had taken on an ashen look.

Finally he stopped and looked to the sky as he cried "Why!? Why have you forsaken me!?" A bird pooped on his head, chirping cheerfuly. A moment of silence, then "DIE!!" Goku ascended to SSJ and attacked the bird, but suddenly

Tien was in front of him.

"Ah! Tien, what are you doing here?" Goku asked.

"Saving this bird," Tien said.

"Why?" Goku asked.

"Well, I have decided that since I'm far to weak to challenge galactic tyrants and insane super saiyans, I would instead devote my life to protecting the enviroment. This bird is part of the enviroment, therefore I must save it," Tien explained.

Goku blinked. "Huh?"

"I gotta go, the enviroment needs me," Tien declared, then took off with a cry of "Save the enviroment!"

Goku blinked as his golden hair faded back to normal. "Ooooooook," Then with a shake of his head he continued his walk.

--

Vegeta stared stone faced into the desert. A breeze blew his hair, and then he began to sink into his fighting stance. Then the cliff he was standing on broke and he fell to the ground with a yell of suprise. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS  
MIGHTY!!" Vegeta cried angrily.

"You seem upset," A new voice said.

"Whose there!?" Vegeta demanded standing up.

A namekian stood there there wearing a purple hood. "I am Lord Slug, and I have come to recruit you," Slug said.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Vegeta asked in confusion.

"No, that was my evil twin brother, also named Lord Slug, by our father, Lord Snail," Slug said.

"Ok, and what makes you think I want to work for you?" Vegeta asked crossing his arms.

"I have milk duds," Slug said.

"I'M IN!!" Vegeta's shout echoed outwards.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Namekian Wierdness and Goku's New Trailer

* * *

Goku was still walking that same road the next day when suddenly he saw it, a truck with a trailer on the back. (Imagine the omnipresent truck on the mountain road in the tenkaichi series,) He rushed up to it with a look of wonder in his eyes,

and a line of drool running from his mouth. He circled around to the back and threw open the door, inside were piles of bags filled with popcorn, and Dr.Pepper cans were piled up without end. A small sleeping area was arranged in the corner. Turles lay under the blanket.

The saiyan shot straight up in his bed and cried "What do you want!?"

Goku looked around for a moment and said "I want this trailer,"

"Its a truck, and you can't have it. Its mine," Turles said angrily.

"But I need a place to live," Goku whined.

Turles growled and leapt out of the truck. He hovered off the roadeway and looked down at Goku. "I'll tell you what, if you can defeat me you can have my truck,"

"Its a trailer!" Goku said flying up to face Turles. Turles shook his head for a moment, then sprang at Goku with a punch.

--

Vegeta now found himself on board Slug's flagship as it flew through the dark reaches of space. "Mountain dew, I require mountain dew as well," Vegeta was saying.

"Yes yes we have plenty of that!" Slug declared.

"Then we are in agreement," Vegeta said extending a hand.

Slugs hands shot down and covered his groin as he shouted "Don't touch my croch!!"

Vegeta blinked a couple of times before he said "What?"

Slug blushed slightly as he lowered his hands to his sides and said "Sorry, its a namekian thing,"

"But the namek back on earth never did that," Vegeta protested.

Slug said "He probably does it when your back is turned,"

Vegeta considered, then asked "But why do you do it?"

Slug sighed as he said "It started many years ago. Did you ever wonder why namekians breed by vomiting eggs?"

"Not really," Vegeta replied.

"Well, an alien named Iwillripyournutsoff came to our planet. At first we thought he was a friend, but then in our sleep he tore off every single namekians nuts, and its been this way ever since," Slug said. Vegeta blinked, then slowly backed

away.

--

Goku and Turles landed on a nearby cliff facing off. Goku wiped some blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. Turles grinned as he dusted his armor off. "Face it Kakarot, I am more of a saiyan than you will ever be!" Turles declared with

a smile.

"Maybe as I am now, but obviously you didn't pay much attention to the series after our last fight!" Goku declared, then with a yell he transformed into a SSJ.

"Oh, damn," Turles said slowly, then Goku charged him with a vicious kick that knocked him unconciouss into the nearby river.

"MY TRAILER!!" Goku declared happily. Then he rushed inside and began devouring popcorn and Dr.Pepper at an alrming rate.


	3. Chapter 3

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

The Hotdog Wars

* * *

Goku stood slowly in the middle of the night, he could sense an enourmous power level approaching rapidly. With a sigh he threw off his bugs bunny pajamas and threw on his orange gi before popping open a Dr.Pepper and stepped out into

the cold night air.

He cast a worried gaze into the sky as Broly suddenly descended and landed not far away.

"KAKAROOOOT!!" Broly roared.

"Yeah?" Goku asked taking a quick sip from his drink.

"Fight me!" Broly declared as a golden aura erupted to life around him signalling his transformation to SSJ.

Goku sighed as he tossed away his can and also transformed. The two sprang forward and fought back and forth for several minutes before landing on the roadway, both breathing heavily and nursing several minor wounds.

"Not bad, but its time to go to the next level!" Goku declared as he ascended to SSJ2. Broly smirked and phazed, Goku phazed as well. This time Goku had a huge advantage and pummeled Broly until suddenly Tien flew out of nowhere and

kicked both of them into the ground.

"This battle is a hazard to the enviroment! Therefore I must insist that it be stopped!" The three eyed warrior declared.

"Who gives a crap about the enviroment?" Broly demanded as he stood up.

"ME!" Tien said as he charged forward, but Broly batted him off into a boulder which shattered before the rubble buried Tien.

Goku stood up and said "Great, now can we wrap this up?"

"Sure," Broly said as he went LSSJ releasing a massive shockwave which shook the whole area. The two phazed once more and resumed their battle.

--

"So, why exactly do you need to recruit me?" Vegeta asked Slug.

"It was about five years ago that I got into the milk dud buisness, at first I was incredibly succesful. I had over a dozen planets dedicated to producing milk duds as quickly as possible. But about two years ago a new figure showed up, a

man who introduced the galaxy to hotdogs. We were both so popular, that nobody could decide whether to get milk duds or hotdogs. So they just stopped buying, then we got into a war. Whoever survives will get their buisness back, the problem was that he has more troops than me, so I have recruited you," Slug explained.

"This man seeks to destroy milk duds, HE MUST DIE!! MILK DUDS ARE AWESOME!!" Vegeta roared. "TELL ME HIS NAME!!" He continued.

"Nobody knows his name, just that he likes to blow stuff up," Slug said.

"Well whoever he is, he will die for defying the power of the milk dud side of the force!" Vegeta declared.

--

Goku and Broly's fists clashed with such force that a large crater formed beneath them shredding away dirt and rock. For a moment they kept pressing against each other, then they jumped back and faced each other in their fighting

stances.

"Not bad Kakarot, you may be just what I'm looking for," Broly said.

"What do you mean?" Goku asked in confusion.

"I need your help to destroy the milk dud people, and spread the glory of hotdogs across the universe!" Broly declared.

"Hotdogs!? I'm in!" Goku declared.


	4. Chapter 4

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Invasion Of The Hotdog Planet

* * *

Vegeta stepped into the briefing room where he could see Lord Slugs three strongest warriors, Cooler, Android 13, and some wierd guy calling himself Tony the tiger. They were all seated at a table that was shaped like a peanut, for some

unexplained reason. Slug entered the room.

"Don't touch my crotch!" He shouted guarding his groinal area.

The other three shouted back "Don't touch ours either!"

"Good men!" Slug declared with a proud smile.

"Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?" Vegeta wondered.

"A job that pays you a million boxes of milk duds a day," Slug said.

"HEAVEN!!" Vegeta roared throwing his arms into the air with a triumphant laugh.

"Now, men this is your new general, Vegeta. He will be leading the attack on planet wehatemilkdudspopcornrules," Slug said.

"Wehatemilkdudspopcornrules?" Tony asked in confusion.

"Traitor!" Slug cried and vaporized Tony. He waited for a moment then said "Crap, now I need another elite, Dabura get in here!"

Dabura walked in with a flourish of his cape as he said "I am ready master,"

"Good, now our goal is to defeat the defenders of planet wehatemilkdudspopcornrules. As far as we know it has only two warriors guarding it, Tapion and android 17. Defeat them, and reduce their hotdog factories to ashes!" Slug

declared.

"Alright, its clobberin time!" Vegeta shouted rushing out of the room.

--

Broly and Goku walked side by side on a wierd alien planet. The grass was purple, the sky was blue. "Kakarot, I need you to guard planet wehatemilkdudspopcornrules from the forces of Slug. I give you permission to form a squad of

four people including yourself to do this job," Broly explained.

"I got the perfect guys," Goku said with an evil grin. A few moments later he had used instant transmission to gather his team. Tien, Picollo, and Gohan, who was wearing his purple gi.

"Why should I help?" Tien asked.

"These guys want to destroy the enviroment," Goku said.

"They shall all die!" Tien declared.

"And me?" Picollo asked crossing his arms.

"They like to touch peoples crotch's," Goku said.

"MOMMY!!" Picollo said running away.

"I mean, they like it when other people touch their crotch's!" Goku shouted.

Picollo stopped and angrily shouted "Oh I'll touch their crotches, with a kick!!"

"Ok, so why would I fight these guys?" Gohan asked.

"They are fans of your mother," Goku said.

Gohan's eyes turned red and lightning crackled in the sky while the floor shook and he said in a demonic voice "I shall peal off their skin tear out their eyes bite off their toes slice off their arms and beat them before I rip out their spines and

beat them to death with it!!"

Goku and Slug blinked and looked at each other with slightly worried looks.


	5. Chapter 5

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

The Battle For Wehatemilkdudspopcornrules

* * *

Four space pods crashed onto the surface of wehatemilkdudspopcornrules. For a moment there was silence, then Vegeta, Cooler, 13, and Dabura emerged with looks of determination on their faces. Vegeta slowly looked around, taking

in every little detail.

"So, this is wehatemilkdudspopcornrules eh?" Vegeta said slowly.

"Yup, nice little spot of paradise!" 13 declared in a heavy southern accent.

"How can you say that, this planet is an enemy to all milk duds!" Cooler said fiercely.

"Indeed," Dabura said.

"I sense four high power levels coming this way, we might actually have a fight on our hands," Vegeta said.

It was at that moment that four birds flew over and landed on a nearby tree. Several seconds passed and crickets could be heard chirping. "High power levels you say?" 13 asked.

"Uhhhh," Vegeta said slowly. Then Goku, Tien, Picollo, and Gohan all landed not far away.

"Kakarot!?" Vegeta exclaimed.

"Vegeta!?" Goku exclaimed.

"Oh great them," Everyone else muttered.

"What are you doing here?" Goku asked.

"I'm here to destroy the hotdog factories," Vegeta said.

"Then I have no choice but to fight you," Goku said.

"SAVE THE ENVIROMENT!!" Tien roared facing off with Cooler.

"Its crotch kicking time and don't touch mine," Picollo said facing off with 13.

"I want to be a real man," Gohan said facing off with Dabura. The crickets started chirping again.

"What do you mean you wan't to be a real man?" Goku asked.

"Well you see, Videl said I was a big nerd, so she took away my manhood and said she won't give it back until I redeem my nerdy ways," Gohan explaimed. The crickets were chirping in fastforward now.

Vegeta collapsed in a storm of hysterical laugther, right along with everyone else.

"Oh shut up!" Gohan growled as he turned into Ultimate Gohan with a fierce blue aura. "Lets just fight!" He roared, then vanished and reappeared with his fist buried in Dabura's gut doubling the demon over with a cry of suprise, and he spat

up some blood. Then with an angered growl Gohan slammed another punch into his face knocking him into the sky, then Gohan went after the demon so fast he just seemed to vanish.

The others all engaged in their own battles which quickly moved away from each other.

"I will save the enviroment!" Tien cried as he came after Cooler with a vicious offensive, but the changeling simply transformed and began to pummel the three eyed envirementalist.

Picollo and 13 traded blows with great power as 13 said "Your never getting my crotch!" That said he turned into Super 13, but Picollo removed his weighted cape and turban and the two entered a phaze battle. Unnoticed by the others Dabura

fell out of the sky with his spine missing.

"Yay!!" Gohan cried out swinging the spine in circles over him like a rodeo rope.

Goku cupped his hands at his side and yelled "KAMEHAMEHA!!" As he fired a massive blue ki beam at Vegeta.

"GALIC GUN FIRE!!" Vegeta shouted firing his own purple beam. The two attacks clashed with tremendous power releasing vicious shockwaves that tore apart the surrounding area before both fighters cancelled their attacks. "Its time to settle

things once and for all Kakarot," Vegeta declared as he ascended to SSJ2.

"Agreed," Goku said as he also went SSJ2. The two began fighting at supersonic speeds. The battle raged on for nearly fifteen minutes before Super 13 looked to the sky and said "Reinforcements!" Rapidly approaching the battlefield were

two beings of unimaginable power.

"Oh no!" Gohan cried as he flew up to face the two.

"There after me lucky charms!" The first said. He was clearly a laprechuan.

The second was a rabbit who cried "I just want some damn trix!"

Gohan looked on in horror as he said "Its lucky, and the Silly rabbit! I have to face them!"

"Ye' can't beat us! Charm of time!" Lucky declared throwing a green clover shaped marshmellow into the air, and it glowed brilliantly freezing the defenders of planet wehatemilkdudspopcornrules.

"Trix blaster!" Silly rabbit cried unleashing a rainbow colored beam that knocked all of the planets defenders into a cliff.

"What incredible power!" Cooler cried.

"Retreat!" Goku roared as he ran like mad, and so it was that planet wehatemilkdudspopcornrules fell.


	6. Chapter 6

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

The Hotdog People Strike Back

* * *

Goku, Tien, Picollo, and Gohan stood in a line facing Broly. The mighty leader of the hotdog people was so furious that he was wearing a red and white checkered dress and combat boots, and he wore his hair in pig tails. Goku was

struggling not to laugh.

"How could you idiots possibly let yourselves be beaten by a couple of cereal mascots!? How pathetic are you!? This sort of failure is unacceptable, as a result we must strike back. With the resources we have lost we have no choice

but to attck they're HQ, planet invadeusanddie," Broly shouted like a drill seargent.

"I'm not sure I like the name..." Goku said slowly.

"Who cares!?" Broly shouted in his face.

"No one," Goku anwsered quickly.

"Excuse me? I can't hear you!" Broly said.

"No one cares sir!" Goku shouted.

"Better, now you must leave at once," Broly ordered, then walked off.

"I want to be a real man," Gohan sniffled.

--

Vegeta Cooler and 13 now stood on planet invadeusanddie. Slug was also on planet overseeing the creation of his latest weapon, the milk dud blaster.

"Its a real shame that Dabura got killed," 13 said.

"Naw, that just means that we have to recruit somebody else, and I think I know just the guy," Vegeta said.

"Who might that be?" Cooler inquired.

Vegeta grinned, than reached into a dimensional pocket and pulled out a red and white ball. 13 went pale as he said "Is that what I think it is?"

"What do you think it is?" Vegeta asked.

"A power not seen in over a thousand years?" Cooler guessed.

"Better," Vegeta said with a grin, than he threw the ball and shouted "Jigglypuff! I choose you!!" In a flash of red light Jigglypuff appeared, holding its customary micrphone.

"Aghhhhhhh!! Aghhqrraaaa!! Bwahhghgggh!!" 13 yelled incoherently.

"Aiyeeeeeeee!!" Coller screamed.

"Mwahahaha!! Yes, this is my true power!!" Vegeta shouted.

Jigglypuff looked around, then began singing. Vegeta's eyes widened in horror as he shouted "NOT YET!! WAIT!!" But it was to no avail, soon he and the others were all asleep, except for Slug.

--

Fifteen minutes later Goku and the others landed on planet invadeusanddie. Goku instantly went SSJ, Picollo threw off his weights, Gohan turned into Ultimate Gohan, and Tien checked the local enviorement for pollution. Needless to say he

found lots of it.

"Where is everyone?" Goku asked.

Suddenly Slug arrived and said "Some idiot decided it would be a good idea to summon a pokemon,"

"Its you, prepare to be defeated in the name of the hotdog king!" Goku declared.

Slug burst into maniacal laughter as he said "Fool, my father was Lord Snail, the fastest being who ever lived! You cannot win!"

Goku sighed, sometimes he wondered about things.


	7. Chapter 7

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

The Power of Lucky Charms

* * *

Picollo stepped forward and faced off with Slug. Old western music began playing, a breeze blew between them and both flexed their hands. Then Slug shouted "Don't touch my crotch!" Goku blinked, he had thought some sort of epic

fight was about to begin.

"Don't touch MY crotch!" Picollo shouted back.

"Don't touch MY CROTCH!!" Slug roared.

"DON"T TOUCH MYYYY CROTCH!!" Picollo roared so loudly that Slug stumbled backwards.

"Incredible, he has mastered the art of crotch shouting even better than I have!" Slug said in suprise. With a roar he transformed into a giant namekian and glared down at Picollo, who was in the process of peeing his pants. "Take this!

CROTCH BLASTER!!" Slug roared as a massive golden beam leapt from his crotch and sent Picollo smashing through the wall of a nearby building.

"Now theres a real man!" Gohan said with admiration, not noticing the others nervously inching away from him.

Slug laughed evily before he said "NONE OF YOU ARE A MATCH FOR THE POWER OF MY CROTCH!"

"He's right! If we don't do something his crotch will kill us all!" Goku shouted.

"His crotch is a danger to the enviroment, I must stop it!" Tien yelled as he shot through the air and slammed a vicious kick into Slug's groinal area. A moment of silence passed, then Slug fell to his knees as he returned to his normal size,

his hands cupped protectively over his crotch.

"I thought namekians didn't have any nuts," Gohan said.

"They have the memory of nuts," Goku replied.

"Save the enviroment!!" Tien shouted as he kicked Slug back into a cliff which he bounced off of before falling to the ground. The three eyed enviromentalist flew into the air and began powering up.

Suddenly there came a cry of "Go charm of portal!" Lucky arrived and suddenly Tien was teleported off the battlefield.

"What the!?" Slug exclaimed standing up.

Lucky phazed onto a nearby cliff and said "Don't worry sir, I'll finish them off for you!"

"Don't touch my crotch, again," Slug said.

Gohan flew into the air and said "Nows my chance to redeem my manhood!"

Lucky laughed before he said "Go charm men only!" Lucky said tossing another of his charms, and Gohan also vanished.

"What did you do to them!?" Goku shouted.

"Do you care?" Lucky asked.

"No," Goku replied.

--

Tien looked around the forest he was in. "Look at nature, all nice and peaceful, just like in a disney movie!" Tien said happily. Then came a growl from behind him. "Ohhh, a bear!" He said gleefully. A moment later you could here this. "OH CRAP, BAD BEAR BAD!!"

Elsewhere Gohan found himself in a ladies bathroom stall, and the rest of that story is simply to wierd to tell.

--

Lucky laughed sinisterly as he leapt out of the way of a ki blast from Goku. "Come on! You will have to do better than that if you want my lucky charms!" Lucky said.

Goku transformed into a SSJ2 as he said "Very well," The two resumed their battle, but Goku was constantly outmanuvered by Lucky and his charms. Finally he went crashing into a cliff hard enough to smash the rock and sent dust flying

everywhere.

"Now its time to finish you off!!" Lucky declared.

Suddenly the dust blew outwards to reveal Goku, now a SSj3. "No, now its time to finish you off you stupid stinking green wearing pointy eared gold hiding freak," Goku declared, then he attacked.


	8. Chapter 8

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Slug Versus Broly and The Butcher Pokemon

* * *

Slug stood quickly as the battle shifted, now in Goku's favor. Lucky and Goku were phazing from spot to spot, but now Goku was to fast for any of Lucky's charms, and since he was to stupid to have ever thought about learning another fighting

style he was now getting the crap kicked out of him.

Slug prepared to run when he heard "Where do you think your going dad?" He turned to see Broly in his LSSJ form.

"Two things. Don't touch my crotch, and I ain't your father," Slug said. Broly blinked slowly.

"But I love you daddy," Broly declared as he began to cry.

"God Damn it!" Slug roared.

--

Vegeta blinked his eyes open slowly, and the first thing he noticed was a pink blob of a pokemon standing over him with a microphone. It removed the top of the microphone to reveal a butcher knife.

"Holy crap!" Vegeta cried leaping backwards, which was kind of hard since he had been laying on his back.

"Jiggly-puff!!" The pokemon declared. The saiyan prince looked to his comrades, and saw that they had been carved into tiny bite sized pieces.

"Whoa," Vegeta said, then the angry pokemon stabbed him in the shin causing him to fall over. "Oh god no!! Mercy please, I'll do whatever you want!!" Vegeta cried in terror. Jigglypuff smiled, then began a fierce makeout session with

Vegeta, who wished he had kept his damn mouth shut.

--

"I'm not your daddy!" Slug declared bringing his fist crashing into Broly's face causing the mighty saiyan to stumble.

"Yes you are!" Broly declared as he threw a blast into Slug's chest.

"At least it wasn't the crotch. And I am not your DADDY!!" Slug roared as his aura flared up.

Broly pointed at him with a twisted grin and said "You are my mothers babies daddy,"

Slug blinked in confusion. "Uh, no?" He said.

Broly looked thoughtful for a moment, than snapped his fingers and said "Oh! Now I remember! Your my wife!!"

Slug went pale as he backed away quickly and said "NO!!" As he fired a massive blast at Broly who simply swat it away.

"Come here and give me a kiss honey," Broly said grabbing Slug by the throat and yanking him off the ground.

"I'm not your wife..." Slug groaned weakly.

Broly was again confused, than he smiled and said "Than I must be YOUR wife!"

With a growl Slug kicked Broly in the face breaking free before saying "No, we are mortal enmies whose only goals in life are to kill each other!" Slug roared.

"So, we're brother and sister?" Broly asked.

Goku took a moment from his fight with Lucky and said "I was working for HIM? Damn!"

"Go charm blow crap up!" Lucky cried firing a charm at Goku, which exploded knocking the saiyan into the ground.

Slug crashed into the side of a cliff with a cry of pain. "Crap, this guy is to powerful, and he was just trying to hug me! What will he be like when he actually starts fighting?" He wondered.

"So uncle Slug, can we go fishing?" Broly asked in a little kids voice.

Slug considered saiying no, but then considered it. "Sure why not," He said at last.

"Yay!" Broly cried in glee as he grabbed Slug and flew off.

"Oh no! Boss has failed, I have to run!" Lucky cried before leaving the battlefield.

"Well, I guess its over," Goku said slowly, he then reverted back to normal and teleported himself and Picollo to earth, where Gohan and Tien were waiting.

--

"NOOOOOO!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!" Vegeta cried just before Jigglypuff descended on him once more.


	9. Chapter 9

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Normality Returns...Yeah Right

* * *

Vegeta frowned as he woke up to the sound of Jigglypuff's annoying voice. He looked down at the pokemon with a defeated look, it looked at him with a big smile and sparkly eyes. "What!? What the hell do you want!?" Vegeta demanded

angrily. It passed him a note.

It said:_I was thinking we could take our relationship to the next level._

Vegeta read it and blinked. From orbit you could hear the cry of "FINAL FLASH!!"

(Insert Intro Song Here)

Goku smiled with joy as he saw his trailer, how long had it been since he had last seen it. Not since Broly recruited him, but something was wrong. Yamcha was there. "Hey Yamcha, whats up?" Goku asked.

"Well, I was just wondering. How did you become cool?" Yamcha asked.

Goku blinked as he said "I'm cool?"

"Yeah," Yamcha said.

"Oh, well then I don't know," Goku said in confusion.

"Shit," Yamcha said.

--

Vegeta walked along the planet, which everyone had left in favor of places where there were no evil pokemon. "Damn that Jigglypuff! I don't care how good it felt, it still wasn't right!" Vegeta growled. That was when he heard this sound.

"I love you, you love me, were a happy family with a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?" A purple dinosaur came around the corner with a goofy smile.

"Oh god why me?" Vegeta found himself asking as he went SSJ.

"Hey kids, lets play ball!" Barney said gleefully.

"Oh you want to play ball do you!? Well it just so happens that I'm the best volley ball player in the universe, because I can play by myself!" Vegeta roared as he swept Barney's legs out from under him, then landed a kick to the stomache

before he proceeded to use the evil dinosaur as a volleyball.

"Aw, isn't that nice?" Barney asked happily.

--

Yamcha flew towards Roshi's island, wondering if the turtle hermit knew how to become cool. He soon landed and saw his teacher was drinking beer.

"Ah Yamcha, how can I help you?" Roshi asked.

"Well, I was hoping you could help me with something. You see, I'm trying to become cool," Yamcha explained.

Several moments of silence passed before Roshi cried "Whats the matter with you!?"

"Dah nothing! Please help me achieve my rightful place as a cool person!" Yamcha begged.

'This guys an idiot, but maybe I can use him to my advantadge' Roshi thought with an evil grin and laugh, which didn't seem at all suspiciouss to Yamcha. "I'll tell you what, I'll teach you to be cool, if you bring me naked pictures of

Chi-chi, Bulma, Videl, Android 18, and Krillin's old girlfriend Marron," He said out loud.

"I'll do it!" Yamcha cried.

'Sucker!' Roshi thought.


	10. Chapter 10

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Purple Dinosaurs and Peeping Toms

* * *

Dust flew everywhere as Vegeta pummeled Barney without mercy in the air. "For the love of god why won't you die!?" Vegeta roared as he sent Barney crashing into the ground, then hit him with a volley of blasts. "There you stupid purple

freak, lets see you come back from that!" Vegeta declared.

"Lets play boxing!" Barney declared emerging unharmed from the smoke.

"Oh shit," Vegeta said, then Barney phazed in front of him and began to beat the crap out of him.

--

Yamcha was near Gohan and Videl's house, he was wearing a black body suit and hood with little holes over his eyes so he could see. He was wearing earphones which wre blaring the Mission Impossible theme into his brain as he slowly

crept closer, camera in hand.

'I will become cool, it is my destiny! The emperor told me so!' He thought.

'FLASHBACK"

"You suck, go away, I'm going to find a real apprentice!" The emperor shouted at Yamcha.

'END FLASHBACK'

Inside Gohan said "Look honey, can I please have my manhood back, all the guys at work call me a sissy! Besides, I tore out Dabura's spine,"

"Thats true, but your still a nerd, I mean look at that saiyaman costume you wear!" Videl replied.

"You wear one just like it!" Gohan shot back.

"OK THATS IT!!" Videl shouted.

Yamcha cringed at the next sounds he heard. "Hold on wait I'm sorrAGHHHHHHHRRRRAAA!! OH GOD NO!! THE PAIN!!"

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," Yamcha mused as a lot of blood, and what looked disturbingly like a severed leg, flew out the window.

"What was that?" Videl's voice drifted from the window. Yamcha instnatly went rigid, and his foot bumped a rock which hit a bucket. "Whose there!?" Videl roared leaping out the window.

"Oh no!" Yamcha cried trying to escape, but she tripped him and saw the camera.

"Well well, what have we here, a peeping tom.

Yamcha sighed and reached up switching the music from mission impossible to Jaws, then when he saw the knife he switched it to Psyco music. The knife came down.

"MY MANHOOD!!" Yamcha's voice rang out on a high pitched squeal.

--

Vegeta crashed into a cliff bleeding from several wounds. His hair faded to black as he reverted to normal. He blinked slowly as he saw the evil dinosaur coming his way. "Come on Vegeta! You and I are going to be a happy family!" Barney

said happily.

"Why do I get all of the perverted ones?" Vegeta wondered, then extended his hand and cried "BIG BANG ATTACK!!" The blast struck Barney with a large explosion, but he emerged unscathed.

"Gyuhuhuhuhu!!" Barney laughed.

"I hate to say this, but I need HELP!!" Vegeta cried, and suddenly future Trunks phased inf ront of him wearing his saiyan armour.

"Father!" He said.

"I take it back, I don't want any help," Vegeta said.

Trunks went SSJ and unleashed a vicious combo of attacks to Barney ending with the evil dinosaur crashing into the ground. "COME ON!!" Trunks said as he grabbed Vegeta and flew them to a spaceship, then took them to earth.

--

Yamcha slowly limped away from Gohan's house. "I need a new plan," He squeaked, then looked at the blood stain on his crotch. Suddenly a though occured to him, and he dialed up Tien's phone.

"Hello?" He heard.

"Want to help me save the enviroment?" Yamcha asked.


	11. Chapter 11

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Save The Enviroment Yamcha Style

* * *

Yamcha creeped slowly into the alley where he had agreed to meet Tien. The three eyed warrior was waiting there looking around cautiously. "Good, you made it," Yamcha said.

Tien turned towards Yamcha and said "Yo whats up? Where is the threat to the enviroment, I must destroy it!"

"It is Gohan's wife, she has placed a curse upon the enviroment that can only be lifted by obtaining a nude photo of her," Yamcha explained, hoping that Tien's brains had seriously rotted since the last time they met. Tien's eyes widened, and

he looked to the sky.

"So in order to save the enviroment we have to take a nude picture of Videl? Won't Gohan be pissed?" Tien asked.

"Well, I don't think thats gonna be a problem," Yamcha replied.

--

Gohan's house

--

From the closet on the second floor hall came the muffled sound of sobbing. "I want my manhood back," Gohan sniffled from within.

--

"I see," Tien said slowly nodding. "So she not only threatens the enviroement, but she steals peoples manhood as well, what evil!"

"I know, believe me, I know," Yamcha said looking at the bloodstain around his crotch.

"So, whats the plan?" Tien asked.

"A frontal assualt!" Yamcha proclaimed. And so, the duo set off for Gohan's house.

--

Several squrriels were spying upon Gohan as he walked through the forest. They sought a specific thing from him. He had set out on a walk earlier for reasons unknown. Suddenly the squirrels sprang forward attacking with sudden ferocity.

"HOLY CRAP!!" Gohan cried in horror.

"Quick!" The squirrel leader cried. "Get his nuts!"

A moment later a squirrel cried "What the!? His nuts aren't here! He has no nuts!"

Gohan suddenly flared his aura and leapt into the sky where he saw Yamcha and Tien rapidly approaching. "Help!" He squeaked to them as the squirrels hovered up around him.

"Kill the nutless one!" The squirrel leader cried.The horrible little creatures fell upon him dragging him kicking and screaming back into the forest below. Tien and Yamcha paused listening to the horrified screams from below, and then

the unsettling silence.

"What the hell?" Yamcha asked

Suddenly the squirrels flew back up and one of them said "Lets get their nuts!"

"Oh," Tien started.

"Shit," Yamcha finished. Yamcha sprang forward and said "Wait, we have no nuts either! But we know who does, we can lead you to her!"

The squirrels paused and one said "Take us there now!"

As the two humans began leading the squirrels towards Gohan's house Tien muttered "Damn nut-eating abominations!"


	12. Author's Note

**DRAGONBALLZ**

**THE WIERD FILES**

**Ok, I would like to apologize to all my readers for the extreme delay in my updates. I have been rather busy lately, school works finally caught up to me, and I am writing a novel. I was going to post despite that, but due to a number of issues, mainly involving being grounded, but with other nasty, and private, things. However, for the time being I think I am out of the rut, and plan to post sometime in the next twenty-four hours from when I post this. Again, sorry for the delay, I don't think any of it will be more than a minor snag as far as my writing goes for the foreseeable future, so I should return to my normal schedule. For now though, I need to go get some sleep.**


	13. Chapter 12

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

The Battle Of The Nuts

* * *

Videl was enjoying a nice relaxing cup of coffee, when a knock came at the door. She put the cup down and made her way to the door with a small frown. "Hello?" She asked as she opened the door. What she saw was a small army of

squirells, some armed with knives, others with machine guns.

"Get the nut whitch!" The leader said, and they surged forward. Meanwhile Tien and Yamcha watched from a nearby bush as all kinds of odd sounds reached their ears, including what sounded like godzilla.

"Nows my chance," Yamcha stated as he sneaked in the window.

"For the enviroment," Tien whispered, and followed. Inside it was a very strange place, it smelled of ducks, and there were drawings of sausages on the ceiling. In the corner was a house plant that vaugely resembled Ozzy Osbourne.

"No wonder Gohan is such a wimp, I would be too if I lived here," Yamcha whispered, then a squirrel flew into the wall next to him.

"She's to strong, I couldn't get the nuts," The squirrel stated as it died.

"What are you doing!? Get out of my pants!!" Videl's voice could be heard.

"At least we know there looking in the right place," Yamcha stated as he opened the closet. His eyes widened as he said "There it is, my manhood. Quick Tien, get some super glue!" Yamcha ordered as he grabbed his manhood.

"How do you know thats yours?" Tien asked.

"This little mark here that looks like a wolf," Yamcha said pointing. Tien sighed in mild disgust. An explosion came from the living room as Yamcha glued his manhood back in place, then lifted a camera. "Now for the nude photo,"

"Right," Tien said, then started for the living room, when suddenly it all went silent.

--

Meanwhile In Space

--

The spaceship that Trunks and Vegeta were using sped through space when suddenly a comet hit it. Then it fell down to earth on a direct collision course with Videl's house. As soon as Vegeta realized this he curled up in a small ball and

proceeded to suck his thumb.

--

Yamcha and Tien looked up as a loud sound filled the air. "Whats that?" Yamcha asked, and then the ship smashed into the house resulting in a massive explosion which hurled things left and right. When the smoke cleared Vegeta stood

in the center of the crater slapping the crap out of Trunks.

"Nice steering jackass! How did you not see a giant rock!?" Vegeta roared.

"Wahh!!" Trunks whined.

"Excuse me," Videl said sweetly, causing everyone to look at her in terror. "Perhaps you can explain what is going on here," She said to Vegeta.

"If I knew, I would probably be hiding over there and laughing at the misfortune of others," Vegeta replied. Videl nodded, then with a fierce kick launched Vegeta into the horizon.

"And you?" She asked nicely as she turned to Trunks.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Trunks screamd flying away as fast as he could. Videl turned to Yamcha and Tien.

"It was his idea," Tien said pointing to Yamcha.

"Thank you, you may go Tien," Videl said, needless to say he left as fast as possible, leaving Yamcha to his fate.

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear last time Yamcha, so I think its time to stop being nice," Videl said. A moment later Yamcha's scream could be heard all over the world.

--

In The Otherworld

--

"So, how did you die?" Yemma asked as Yamcha stood before him.

"She stuffed my manhood up my nose and into my brain," Yamcha said. It is said in legends, that Yemma still laughs over it today.


	14. Chapter 13

**

* * *

**

DRAGONBALLGT

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

Vegeta's Request

* * *

Goku was sipping at his dr.pepper and eating pop corn near his trailer, when he heard a noise. It was the sound of pain and agony. Suddenly Vegeta came flying out of the air and slammed into the street not far away.

"Ow! I want my momma!!" Vegeta cried as he rolled around in the bottom of the crater he had just made.

"Hey Vegeta," Goku said.

Suddenly Vegeta sprang up from the crater and pointed a gun at Goku's face as he said "You didn't see anything,"

"Sure whatver," Goku replied as he walked back towards his trailer.

"Uh, Kakarot?" Vegeta asked after a moment.

"Yo?" Goku asked back.

"Well, it has just occured to me that I am still homeless, could I stay with you?" Vegeta said. Suddenly time stopped, the earth was still, the universe froze.

"You want to live with me?" Goku asked.

"Um, yes?" Vegeta responded.

"Your not the real Vegeta!!" Goku roared as he ascended to super saiyan 3.

"Well, shit," Vegeta said, then a kick sent him flying into a nearby mountain. A while later Vegeta came limping back to Goku's trailer. "Kakarot I need a place to stay," He stated simply, then added "I am the real Vegeta,"

"Prove it," Goku said.

"Your an asshole," Vegeta said.

"Ok," Goku said.

From a nearby cliff Lucky watched this exchange with an amused grin. "Soon, I shall take me revenge," He muttered.

"Ok, I just need to go get my porn collection," Vegeta said as he took off for Capsule Corp.

"Porn? Damn he must be lonely," Goku stated, then snapped his fingers. "Thats it, I'll find him a date!"

"Aye, thats the saddest thing I ever heard," Lucky said as he sprang out onto the street.

"Its you," Goku said sinking into a fighting stance.

"Don't ye worry, I'm just here to help you find Vegeta a date," Lucky announced.

"How do I know I can trust you?" Goku asked. Lucky whipped out a can of dr.pepper and took a sip. "Alright I trust you," Goku said as he relaxed.

"Ok, now I happen to know that Vegeta fancies a certain someone," Lucky began. Then the plotting began.


	15. Chapter 14

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

**AN:I would like to address an important issue right now. My life is very busy, I'm getting a job soon, I have lots of school work, and my perssonal life has been a bit odd lately, as a result this is the only fanfiction I will be working on for awhile. I do plan to finish the other, but not now, not until things settle down a bit. I will keep working on this one though, but others are just gonna sit for awhile. I apologize for the inconvenience. Now please enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Vegeta's Date

* * *

Vegeta had finally retrieved his box of porn magazines from Capsule Corp, and was now flying back towards Goku's trailer. "I can't believe I'm going to live with that clown! Ohe well, at least I'll have a good training partner," He said

to himself. A frown crossed his face as he arrived at the trailer to see Goku standing in a fancy waiters outfit.

"Hey Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed.

"Kakarot, what are you wearing?" Vegeta asked as he set his box down.

"Oh this, I'm going to be waiting on you and your date tonight," Goku said with a huge grin. Over in the shadows Lucky struggled to hold back a laugh.

"What date?" Vegeta asked suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it, she's waiting in the trailer. I think you'll like her," Goku said.

Vegeta smirked and said "If I refuse?"

Goku frowned as he said "That would sure dissapoint her, I guess then I would have to kill you,"

Vegeta went blue in the face as he said "Wouldn't that make her feel worse!?"

Goku nodded as he said "Your right, I'd just have to beat you so badly you couldn't get up anymore,"

Vegeta looked at Goku in disbelief, then with a great deal of grumbling made his way to the back of the trailer and opened the door. "Jigglypuff!" Declared the pink creature that waited within. Vegeta's horrified scream echoed across the planet.

In an instant the saiyan prince had thrown shut the door and turned back towards Goku as he ascended to SSJ2.

"I'll take my chances," Vegeta growled.

"Ok," Goku said with a shrug, then went SSJ3 and charged Vegeta.

"I think this is going to hurt," Vegeta muttered. Inside the trailer this is what Jigglypuff heard. "OH SWEET MERCIFUL KAMI STOP!!!! AHHRRGGGHH!!! OW!!!!! THAT ISN"T SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!!!!!! WHAT ARE YO,OH SHIT!!!!!!"

"KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!" Then a massive explosion could be heard along with many large earthquakes.

"Jiggly?" The confused pokemon asked. A moment later Goku threw open the door and dragged what was left of Vegeta inside placing him in the seat across from Jigglypuff.

"Well, I hope you to enjoy your date!" Goku said as he exited the trailer.

"Fublebuh," Vegeta said incoherently.

"Jigglypuff Jiggly!" Jigglypuff stated as she took Vegeta's hand in her own. Tears began to run down his face.

--

"Well, do you think Vegeta's having a good time?" Goku asked of Lucky.

Suddenly they heard muffled screaming from the trailer, including this, "HEEEEEELLLLLP!!!!!!"

Lucky grinned and said "I think he's having a great time!"

"Sweet!" Goku said with a thumbs up.

--

Once Jigglypuff stopped making out with the unwilling prince Vegeta managed to say "Wh-what d-do you w-want?"

Jigglypuff grabbed Vegeta's hand and and slid what looked like a daimond ring onto his finger. "Jigglypuff," The pokemon said.

Vegeta's eyes widened as he said "No,"

Jigglypuff growled and held up her microphone.

Vegeta's eyes widened in fear as the pokemon removed the cap, revealing the deadly knife beneath.

--

"I'd best be goin, see you later," Lucky said a he flew away.

"See ya!" Goku replied. "What a swell guy, helping Vegeta out like that, I'll bet he's so grateful," Goku said with a huge grin. Suddenly Vegeta sprang from the back of the trailer in his SSJ state.

"Alright bitch, its time for round two!!" Vegeta roared as he aimed his hand at the trailer. "FINAL FLASH!!!" He roared as he released his greatest attack, but the pokemon within bounced it harmlessely away before landing in front of Vegeta with

a maniacal squeaking laugh.

"Hey guys!" Goku said cheerfully.

"Shut up!! This is your fault Kakarot!" Vegeta stated. Jigglypuff took this chance to walk up and stab him in the foot, then with an angry shout flew away. Vegeta lay in the fetal position as he simply said "I want my mommy..."

* * *


	16. Chapter 15

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

A New Job

* * *

Once Vegeta had recovered from his fight with Jigglypuff, by eating several tons of mountain dew and milk duds, he discovered a downright terrifying problem. He was out of milk duds, and he had no money to buy more. For the saiyan prince

things could not have been worse, unless Jigglypuff were still around.

"Kakarot, we need to find work," Vegeta grumbled as he paced back and forth on the road.

"I suppose so, maybe babysitting," Goku replied.

"No, our wives would hire us to look after our children," Vegeta growled as a shudder ran through him.

"Good point, I hear there was a mad scientist in some remote dark creepy deserted military base in the middle of an etarnally dark wasteland who needed assistants. Could be fun," Goku said.

"You mean like my date was supposed to be fun?" Vegeta demanded.

"Precisely!" Goku said with a grin.

"I wish upon you a thousand horrible deaths," Vegeta growled, then said "Lead the way," Goku took off, and Vegeta followed.

--

The two mighty saiyans arrived in the wasteland to see the abondoned military base still there. Lightning flashed in the night sky, for it was always nighttime here. Fierce wind whipped their hair about.

"I like his style," Vegeta said as he lowered to the ground. They stepped inside and looked around slowly.

"Helloooo!" Goku called as they walked down a dark corridor. Vegeta growled as he looked around, when suddenly something horrible shot from the shadows. It looked like a cross between a namekian, and one of Frieza's kind.

"Hey there! How are you today?" Goku asked cheerfuly, and then watched as Vegeta was sent crashing through a wall by a fierce kick. The creature whirled swiping its tail at Goku's head forcing him to leap back. Vegeta emerged from the

rubble as a Super Saiyan and attacked the creature.

"ENOUGH!!" Came a shout, and the creature stepped away. A figure became clear in the shadows.

"Who are you!?" Vegeta angrily demanded.

The figure stepped out revealing a somewhat fat individual with a moustache. "Its-a-me, MARIO!!" Mario declared.

"Oh sweet mother of jesus," Vegeta exclaimed.

"Hey, were here for the job. What is the job anyway?" Goku asked.

"Its-a-simple, I make a monster, and you fight it," Mario explained.

"Is it dangerous?" Goku asked.

"No! Its-a-not dangerous!" Mario exclaimed.

From down the hall came a ripping sound followed by a cry of "HOLY SWEET JESUS NO!!!! AGGRHHHAAA!!!!"

"That sounded disturbingly like someone I know," Vegeta said.

Picollo dragged himself from down that hall with all kinds of horrible wounds. "Run, they have no respect for the crotch," Picollo said, and was then dragged by something unseen back into the dark, a moment later a spray of namekian

blood came out and splattered Goku Vegeta and Mario.

Vegeta blinked for a moment before saying "Well I'm outta here," As he walked for the exit, but Goku grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him back.

"Come on, I'm sure its perfectly safe," Goku said with a goofy grin.

"Kakarot, I am convinced that nowhere is safe as long as your there," Vegeta explained.

"At least-a-give it a try," Mario said.

"Fine," Vegeta growled moving down the hall.

"Door on the right," Mario called. Vegeta waved him off as he went into the door. A moment later a high pitched scream came from that room before Picollo's voice called out "I told you!"

Vegeta came hobbling back with his knees pressed together and his hands over his groin. "Good, your both-a-hired!" Mario declared. Vegeta whimpered.


	17. Chapter 16

**DRAGONBALLGT**

**THE WIERD FILES**

* * *

WTF!?

* * *

Goku and Vegeta returned to the trailer shortly after their first day at work with Mario. Goku was happily chewing on some unidentified body part from the last monster he fought, while Vegeta was pulling something roughly the same size and

shape as an agave cactus from his right ear.

"Damn it Kakarot! This is the worst job you could possibly have found us!" Vegeta growled furiously.

"I don't know why you hate it so much, not only do we get to fight stuff but we get free food as well," Goku said happily as he devoured the last of whatever it was he had chosen to eat.

Rage flooded through Vegeta's face as he sank into a fighting stance and declared "I'M GONNA POUND YOU INTO THE GROUND SO HARD, YOU WON'T REMEMBER HOW TO HAVE SEX!!!!!!"

Goku looked vaguely confused as he asked "Whats sex?"

Vegeta froze in place with a blankly astonished look on his face. "W-what?"

"I don't know what sex is," Goku explained.

"But you have kids, Kakarot," Vegeta said pointing weakly at his rival.

"Yeah! Chi-chi said that the mystical fairy of children brought them to us!" Goku said with a goofy grin. Vegeta stood in a confounded silence, his jaw hanging open.

"Kakarot, do you have any idea where kids come from?" Vegeta asked.

Goku looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Yeah, the mystical fairy of children grows them in a cabbage patch, then she picks them and brings them to their parents,"

"Oh. My. God," Vegeta said, in complete and utter shock. Over the course of the next hour, Vegeta explained how children are really born.

"That sounds awfully wierd Vegeta, are you sure you didn't just make that up?" Goku asked.

"I'm positive Kakarot! Now come with me!" Vegeta growled, then flew into the distance with Goku following. Vegeta led Goku to the hospital, and went to Gohan's room where the young saiyan was still recovering from the rabid squirrels.

Vegeta stole some blood from Gohan, then took some blood from Goku and went to the DNA lab.

"Test these," Vegeta said, handing the vials over to the doctor.

The doctor put them in a machine before saying to Goku "I'm sorry sir, but it would appear you are not the biological father,"

"What? But, then that means Chi-chi was lying the whole time?" Goku asked in horror.

"I'm afraid so," The docor said.

Goku teared up as he said "So, theres no such thing as the mystical fairy of children? And she doesn't grow children in a cabage patch?"

"Huh?" The doctor asked.

"Long and disturbing story," Vegeta explained as he dragged Goku out of the room. "How can this be, both of those brats are super saiyans, so then who could the father be?" Vegeta wondered while Goku curled into the fetal position in

the corner.

"Its gonna be a long day," Vegeta stated, then looked to Goku and said "Come on, were gonna go talk to Chi-chi and find out who the father is," Goku nodded, and the two saiyans took off.

The two quickly arrived at Chi-chi's house and went inside.

Chi-chi walked up and said "Hey, whats up?"

"YOU LIED ABOUT THE CABBAGE PATCH!!!!" Goku roared in a rage.

Chi-chi blinked for a moment befoe saying "Oh dear, you found out,"

"Who is the real father?" Vegeta demanded, arms crossed.

"Some guy named Bardcok, he showed up first after Goku and I married, then after Goku died at the Cell Games," Chi-chi explained.

"Bardock huh? I'm gonna go kill him!" Goku declared.

"Kakarot, Bardock is the name of your father," Vegeta said slowly.

Goku blinked as he looked between Vegeta, who looked like his brain had just shut off, and Chi-chi, who looked like she was about to be sick. Goku slowly looked straight ahead, and screamed.

--

A few days later Goku was sitting on a cliff when Gohan and Goten landed behind him. "Hey dad," They both said.

"I'm not your father," Goku said simply.

"What?" Gohan asked dumbly.

"I did some DNA testing, and it turns out I'm your guys big brother!" Goku exclaimed as he rose to his feet with a goofy grin.

Gohan and Goten were both silent for a moment, before shouting "WHAT THE F***!?"


End file.
